100 breaths

it's hard to organize all the things i am thinking about to make some kind of sense on this blog.

no shit, you're thinking.

frequently, and for similar reasons, i have trouble falling asleep. when this happens, i try counting backwards from 100. the logic is that this process breaks the overdetermined monolith of sleep down into steps, or units, of one number each, one breath per number. each is encountered, and subsequently overcome, in its turn. and, unlike counting forward, this process is not completely automatic. i have to think, if minimally, about what number comes next, and then i assign it a role in helping me get to sleep.

one number, one breath, one thought, emptying myself into rest.

from one-hundred to zero, the monolith of self opening onto a single smooth surface, one page, the flows (if you will) deterritorialized, uncounting my day.